Our History:
SiliconArtists Inc is an American corporation founded in the
bustling 1950s to tackle common problems with creative and
sometimes unorthodox solutions. After inheriting a stretch of land
deemed functionally worthless, one of the company’s founders
realized they’d just become the proud owner of an abandoned mining
operation featuring one of the most abundant elements in the
earth’s crust—fluorite!
Despite warnings that fluorine processing has historically been
too dangerous to industrialize, the self-described visionary set
about amassing the world’s greatest collection of fluorine, before
dying of what our lawyers have advised us to call “natural
causes.” Now with a stark surplus of supplies, the company’s only
option was to invest in nuclear energy by manufacturing uranium
hexafluoride, marrying the post-war abundance of uranium to our
company’s ill-advised abundance of fluorine. For the next 60
years, we then supplied products to more than 50 nuclear power
facilities, becoming a world leader in uranium hexafluoride
production.
Top-Tier Chemists
Synthesized using cutting-edge techniques
Forward Thinking
Let our company be your blueprint for success
Modern Tech
Used in the manufacture of things like LCD screens
Locally Sourced
Mined from private land in the heart of America
Better Tomorrow
Helping you become a more fluorinated family
Our Product Line:
Industrial Strength Milk Jugs
Our most popular product by far! The highly durable material of
our milk jugs is made from industrial-grade PVDF (polyvinylidene
fluoride). This material is resistant to acids, salts, oxidants,
and many chemical solvents, making it perfect for storing
dubiously cooked dinners and resisting the chemically-augmented
bite of your superpowered toddler! Compare to similar products
made from Teflon.
Red Baritone's Basement Depesterizer
Is your lovely home plagued by vermin? Do they breathe air? Then
why not marvel at the scientific wonders of gas displacement
using sulfur hexafluoride? The density of sulfur hexafluoride
gas means it sinks to the bottom of a container, displacing air
on top of it. Given copious and expensive amounts of it, is sure
to evacuate the breathable air from your entire basement*. And,
while breathing sulfur hexafluoride is not advised, you may find
it has the opposite effect of helium, making you sound like the
dark lord himself**!
*Generally perceived to be unreliable against ceiling
creeps
**Though non-toxic, sulfur hexafluoride displaces air in the
lungs and is harder to remove than helium
Perturbed Piranha's Surface and Drain Cleaner
Tired of fighting those impossible surface stains on your
counters? Have none of the “safer” and “healthier” products work
for you? Look no further than our highly effective Perturbed
Piranha line! The high concentration of hydrofluoric acid is
sure to eat away any surface stain... as well as the surface
beneath! This product is also highly effective as a drain
cleaner, clearing out stubborn clogs within minutes! If you like
this product, we insist you also purchase a fume hood*!
*Statement required by lawyers, fume hood sold separately